You made me cry and you don't even care
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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