You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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