I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize