Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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