i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize