fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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