He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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