why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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