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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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