I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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