Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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