FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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