xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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