i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize