Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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