I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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