Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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