Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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