So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize