You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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