Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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