Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize