I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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