so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize