um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize