...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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