Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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