I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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