And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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