"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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