someone threw a dead crab at me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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