Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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