guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
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giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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