I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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