You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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