rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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