She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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