my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize