If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize