Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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