dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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