20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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