ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize