I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize