I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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