He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize