I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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