he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize