My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
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A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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