I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize